The Meet Cute Method by Portia MacIntosh

Author:Portia MacIntosh [MacIntosh, Portia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Boldwood Books
Published: 2022-05-03T16:00:00+00:00

22

I am up and at ’em, out and about, feeling fresh, ready for the first proper day of my holiday and, most importantly of all, ready to work.

My day didn’t get off to the best start. When Addison said they were going to pack me a case full of swag to enjoy while I was here, perhaps stupidly, I only saw the positives. Free clothes, cosmetics and toiletries – and all high end too – what’s not to love? What I didn’t consider was that, when this selection of holiday supplies was being prepared for me, it wasn’t done by someone who had me in mind. I thought yesterday’s sundress was just something flowery and floaty that Addison thought I should wear on the plane, to look like I was in full holiday mode, but given the fact that Cora once described my style as ‘a fourteen-year-old at a house party while her parents were out of town’ (which I took to mean I wore whatever I wanted but also things that would make parents of daughters panic), flowery and floaty isn’t exactly my bag. Unfortunately, this entire bag isn’t my bag. It’s more befitting of a spinal surgeon, so that’s a stroke of luck, but it isn’t just not right for my taste, it isn’t right for my body either. It’s all my size, that’s what the tags say, but some of it is just a serious no-no.

When did swimwear become so obscene? Genuinely, the first one-piece I pulled out was cut so high above the leg, it barely covered my downstairs, and with my stomach not exactly being flat, it sort of poked out of the sides, before sitting next to my thigh-brows. There are a bunch of bikinis, which I’m even more scared to wear, so I’ve chosen the one-piece that provides the most coverage, although it does have slashes across the front, which I’m going to need to watch. One wrong movement and I’m worried a chunk of tummy – or, even worse, an entire boob – might just find a way out. There is one problem with every single item of swimwear in this case, though, something that I didn’t really think was a trend, something I wrongly assumed only existed among the perfectly toned bodies on Love Island but, nope, it’s real, it’s a thing, and it’s all I’ve got to work with.

Every single item of swimwear, to put it frankly, goes up your arse. There just isn’t a bum part in any of them, just a thong back – is that even allowed in real life? On Love Island, sure, everyone is perfect on paper and shagging in a room with a camera, no one is worried about their cellulite or having their cheeks out in front of kids and old people, but here… I don’t know, man. I’m not comfortable with it at all. Luckily there’s a teeny tiny sarong that, if worn at the right angle, just about covers my bum. I’m only thirty-four, so it’s rare that I feel old, but today I definitely do.

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